The Fest Directory: Andrew Maxwell

Pomerry Champagne Café Bar

Signet Library, EH1 1RF

This is right near the top of the Royal Mile and it’s super-classy. Don’t get me wrong, I love beer gardens and burger vans, but if you just fancy kicking it up a notch once or twice during your Festival, this is the place to do it. It’s a Fringe-only venue housed in a giant library where you can breeze in, smash back some champagne in proper glassware, eat a bit of smoked salmon and just generally be really lordy before diving back into the grottiness of a lot of the rest of the Festival.

Food: 7

Drink: 10 – it’s champagne!

Atmosphere: a swanky 6

Fringeyness: 2

Secret Weapon: Swankiness.

Fatal Flaw: Lots of swankers.

The Sheep Heid Inn

43-45 The Causeway, Duddingston Village, EH15 3QA

One of Scotland’s oldest pubs, this place is like a mirage – you walk up Arthur’s Seat and down the other side and it’s like you’re not quite sure it’s really there. It’s been the focal point of major plotting in the twists and turns of Scottish history for hundreds of years, including the murder of Mary Queen of Scots’ lover. It’s got leather chairs and a beer garden, and it really is the ultimate plotting venue. If you need to play chess and all around you people are playing chequers, go and have a quiet pint alone in the Sheep Heid.

Food: 6 for pub grub downstairs, 7 for the Sunday roast upstairs

Drink: 6

Atmosphere: an exemplary 10.

Fringeyness: 2 – mostly locals, but you get the odd Fringe fan-stroke-rambler

Secret Weapon: Scotland’s oldest skittle alley.

Fatal Flaw: Surrounded by cobblestone streets, so lethal in heels.

Fishers

1 Shore, Leith, EH6 6QW

There’s a few of these dotted along The Shore in Leith, situated in such a way that there’s always a bit of late afternoon light if you get a table outside. They do delicious Scottish seafood – oysters, langoustines, all the frutti di mare. I go at least one day every Fringe, normally with my dad and some relatives. The staff are extremely knowledgable about the Fringe and have recommended some properly obscure shit every time I’ve been there in the past.

Food: 10

Drink: 6

Atmosphere: 10

Fringeyness: 8 (excellent staff knowledge)

Secret Weapon: Sunshine on Leith.

Fatal Flaw: Quite hard to get a table sometimes.

A Coffee Van at the Top of the Hill in Edinburgh Zoo

134 Corstorphine Rd, EH12 6TS

The best place to drink coffee in Edinburgh is out of a van at the top of Corstorphine Hill in Edinburgh Zoo. You get an incredible 360 degree view over the Firth, the airport, the castle and the city and there’s a little old lady who bangs out coffee in Styrofoam cups. For the view and the tranquillity there’s no place like it. The old lady shared her last muffin with me and my starving son on the last day of the Fringe last year, so gets bonus points for kindness, too.

Food: 6 for the muffins

Drink: 6

Atmosphere: an animalistic 8

Fringeyness: a welcome 0

Secret Weapon: Awesome view of the city.

Fatal Flaw: You’ve got to pay into the Zoo.