Celebrity Obsessions

Amy Lamé is obsessed with… Morrissey 

The cabaret queen’s show Unhappy Birthday is just that: a big party named after a Smiths song, pivoting on the unlikely presence of the controversial singer. 

When did your fixation begin? 

It was 1987/88. I was in high school in New Jersey. I was looking through a copy of the NME in a newsagent and read about this amazing band called The Smiths. So I went to my local record shop, bought their latest album Strangeways Here We Come on vinyl, took it home and thought ‘Oh my God, this is the music I’ve been waiting for.’ Then I went back to the newsagents to read the NME a couple of weeks later and on the front cover was ‘The Smiths have split up.’ I thought I’d killed them. But Morrissey’s first solo album came out soon after. 

Are you getting much interest from Morrissey fans? 

A load of the Morrissey hardcore fans have seen the show, many of whom met at the local Aspergers Support Group. I am not making this up. They were giving running commentaries. ‘There’s a box, she’s opening the box, there’s a cake in the box…’ 

Is your obsession healthy? 

It’s funny, my friend’s 13 year old, she’s so in love with One Direction, but her behaviour and my behaviour are so similar. It’s, like, Amy, time to get a grip on your life. 

Can you move on from Morrissey now? 

No. You know he’s going to be in Edinburgh as well? He’s doing the final gig of his European tour in Edinburgh on the 30^th of July, which is the day I get to Edinburgh, so I’ll be sure he’s stalking me.  

 

Dan Wright is obsessed with… Michael Jackson

Best known for his spoon-riding antics in cult kids show Big Cook, Little Cook, Wright confesses to some equally odd behaviour in Michael Jackson Touched Me

Did your devotion ever waver?  

 

 

I did actually get quite annoyed with Michael Jackson a few years ago. He was really kind of embarrassing himself. I saw him at the World Music Awards in 2006, he turned up and was originally supposed to do Thriller, and in the end just came on with a load of kids and did We Are The World, and it was rubbish. There were so many fans who went ‘that’s it.’ But you never really let it go. 

 

Have you had any contact with Jacko? 

I went to these parties about five years ago, and often there’d be an appearance by a Michael Jackson impersonator, or Michael would do a live linkup from LA, and he’d just come on the PA and say [does tiny, whiny voice] ‘Hi, I love you’ and everyone would go crazy. Looking back it was kind of pathetic, but brilliant at the same time. 

Have you met many madder Michael fans? 

I knew people who wouldn’t drink because Michael Jackson wouldn’t drink, were vegetarian, which was ironic because we later found out that he did drink and he also did quite a lot of drugs. 

Is your obsession healthy? 

I’m 32 and it’s got to the point where my obsession is not only annoying my friends and family, it’s now annoying me. I’ve probably spent the last 20 years of my life trying to convince everyone that Michael Jackson was the greatest entertainer of all time and wasn’t the man that the media made out, and it doesn’t really help anyone. No-one cares, and its not like I really get anything out of it. 

 

Vikki Stone is obsessed with… Philip Schofield

The classically-schooled musical comic sang her Schofield song to the man himself on This Morning, and performs an updated version in her show Hot Mess

When did your fixation begin? 

I was the kid at school that had Gordon the Gofer, all the merch. I’d have been about eight and Phil’s just somebody who’s never left the telly. He’s definitely a silver fox now. I think everyone’s still going ‘where’s his OBE?’  but he’s continually overlooked. If Barlow got one for organising a concert, old Schofe should be well on the way.

Singing it to him live on TV must have been nerve-wracking? 

The thing I was most nervous about was that the song had to have rewrites because of the content, so loads of emails went backwards and forwards with ITV as to what we couldn’t say. My agent was saying ‘whatever you do don’t swear, we don’t want to fuck this up.’ And so all I was thinking was ‘don’t swear, don’t say “lube”, don’t sing “Fuck off, Eamonn Holmes.”’

Have you had much reaction from Phil fans?

God yeah, I get a message every day from someone who feels the same way. There are lots of women who sit at home in the daytime and think about doing naughty things with Phillip Schofield. 

Can you leave Phil behind now? 

If people still want to hear the song I’ll play it – that’s why ticket sales are going so well, because people want to hear it. And it’s a song that I really love. Don’t underestimate the joy of repeatedly shouting ‘Fuck off Eamonn Holmes.’ It’s very cathartic.